Turning Point

I'm at a point of being restless. Completely restless, restless in my job, in my spiritual life, my personal life, my love life. It's all stiring, not in a good way really. I truly believe that God told me to move churches a few months ago. I had to take a new position at work. I've been single for almost four years. I'm deppressed, lonely angry and confused. There are days when I know that God is working in my life, but for the most part for the last 8 months I've just felt that I'm out of place, awkward, hurting, alone, not good enough, and even that I don't want to live anymore. It has become the norm to want to walk away from God. I've said over 1000 times God I'll give it one more shot because you love me and I love you, but once again I find myself still alone, hurt, confused, and sick of being in all this crap. I'm so tired of everything. Yeah there are good days, yes there are days were I wanna be the good christian. But more and more Im growing of sick of the failure, sick of the lonliness, sick of hurting... God I gave up friends, I gave up the party life style, I gave up searching for the girl I thought I should be with and left it in your hands. So why now do i feel that I have no friends, I have no lasting joy, I have no peace, I have noone that i feel truly cares anymore. At least when I would party I had someone to hang out with, I didn't have to sit at home by myself.. you know before I gave it over to you God I had a personality, I wasn't so selfconcious that I couldn't talk to a female, I wasn't so worried about what someone would think. I didn't have a problem carrying on conversations with people I didn't know. God I mean really....... where are you in all this bull in my life, my head is so cluttered that I can't see a foot in front of my face. God I've found myself just being tired of going to church because all i find is a set up for a new failure. God there are things that I have prayed about for years...... that I still have found no answer to, no peace about, no help... Where are you God... real God....one true God.... I don't see a sign, i dont see anything.... and if im supposed to survive on faith, my faith is falling from beneath my feet... its crumbling with every breath that I breathe.... but it feels like everytime I call out to you, you give me enough just to make it through.... If i don't read my bible and pray enough..... I don't know what to do because I try and fall short on that too. I've asked for a greater desire for your word and comunion with you... because I can't do it on my own.... but it seems to me I can't do it with you either.... So here I am alone again, deppressed, and sick of life. Do I give up or once again do I say ok God one more time Ill try and I'll trust you.... truly I want to say no more.... no more trying no more trusting... just go back to it was when things didn't matter when i didn't think things through i just kind of went with it. I did well with things like that... I didn't battle all the freakin time. I didn't hurt all the time.. I didn't feel like a freaking hypocrite. I didn't feel like someone who gave up everything for nothing...... what do i do God.... where do I turn.... if your so awesome mighty step down and help someone out who is running a little low on all things good right now. All I am asking is for a little freaking help.... A little joy a little time of not feeling lonely. Too much to ask... that's what I thought... Im done with everything.... I can't do this anymore Im sick of this crap.